Saturday, February 20, 2010

An Open Complaint

I love the Fred Meyer store in Issaquah, WA. It is brightly lit and well stocked. The staff are friendly and helpful. The store was recently to make it even better than before. It even has that "new store" smell. The ladies room went through a remodel as well. So why would I be complaining? Because they must have hired a bunch of morons to do the ladies room.

I'm not sure how they went about planning the ladies room renovation. The toilet hasn't been installed in the center of the stall, but to the left. That doesn't sound like much of a problem, does it? It wouldn't be, except that the large dual-roll tissue dispenser and the toilet seat cover holder are also on the left! There is all this unused space to the right in every stall! How does this even make sense? Obviously someone didn't think this through, and it was most likely a man. I say this because most of the time, a man doesn't have to sit down to go to the bathroom. If he did, he would know how ridiculous it would be to put everything on one side of the stall.

There is barely enough space to do everything that one needs to do when in the bathroom. It's not too bad to pull out a seat cover and put it on the toilet. But good luck making sure it stays there while you maneuver yourself past the dispensers and onto the toilet. You have barely enough space to unbutton your pants and pull them down. Then when you're done with your business, you have to somehow manage to grab and tear some toilet paper and use it without hurting your elbow. Then you have to stand up in this cramped space, button up and flush. What an ordeal just to go to the bathroom.

Issaquah Fred Meyer, can you please, please, please fix this? All you need is a screwdriver and someone with half a brain.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Eating a Cupcake

Did you know that there are many different ways to eat a cupcake and that the way you do says a lot about your personality type? For example, there are those of you who will set their cupcake on a paper plate, peel off one side of the paper cup, cut the cupcake with a knife, pick up the cut piece of cupcake with your fork and eat it. You will repeat these steps until your cupcake is all eaten. You would be the same people who has every hair on their head in place, your clothes without a single wrinkle, your pantyhose will never get a run in them. You are so perfect that your presence makes me feel like a slob no matter how well dressed I thought I was. You are also the type who will only eat a vanilla cupcake.

Let's examine some other personality types defined by the way you eat a cupcake:

THE "LICK OFF THE FROSTING FIRST" TYPE - You are the get-up-and-go kind of person. You just don't have the time to sit around and wait. You see a good thing and you go for it, because if you don't, you aren't sure when the next opportunity will present itself. In your hurry to seize the day, you sometimes end up with frosting on your nose.

THE "FROM THE BOTTOM UP" TYPE - You like to save the best for last. You are patient, you persevere and you endure so much, knowing that at the end of it all the prize will be SO worth it. However you sometimes realize that the prize didn't really live up to your expectations. After eating all that cake, the frosting was just too sweet, or not sweet enough.

THE "GET RID OF HALF THE FROSTING BEFORE I EAT IT" TYPE - You believe in moderation. You cannot understand how people can enjoy so much frosting that sets your teeth on edge! If it were up to you, the frosting they typically put on one cupcake would frost two. Lighten up, a little extra frosting never killed anybody!

THE "EAT IT SIDEWAYS" TYPE - You think outside the box. You know what you want and you will do whatever it takes to achieve it, no matter what anyone thinks. You peel off the paper cup, hold the cupcake straight, tilt your head to the side and take a bite. That way you can make sure you get a piece of cupcake and frosting with every bite. I have just one thing to say to you: "Watch yourself in the mirror while you eat a cupcake and you will see how stupid you look doing that." But what do you care? Social graces don't mean anything to you as long as you get to enjoy your cupcake the way you like it. Good for you, but seriously....people are beginning to stare!

THE "I ONLY WANT HALF A CUPCAKE" TYPE - You watch what you eat. You make sure never to overdo it. But you also want everyone else to know that you watch what you eat and that you never overdo it. You could have picked a smaller cupcake. But if you did, you wouldn't be able to announce it to everyone that you only want half.

THE "MINI CUPCAKE SELECTOR" TYPE - You also watch what you eat, but you don't make a huge deal of it. If you've eaten more than you should have earlier in the day, you may even decide to forgo the cupcake, but you will make sure nobody knows. You are the kind of person I would like to be. If they happen to notice, some people may still hate you though. But remember, the problem isn't you - it's them

THE "WHO CARES HOW I EAT MY CUPCAKE? THEY'RE GOOD" TYPE - You enjoy life to the fullest, and don't let anything get in the way. You embrace life with both arms, you will try anything. You don't just settle for safe flavors like vanilla and chocolate, you will try the Guinness Cupcake with Kahlua frosting. You may even come up with your own flavors. You sometimes end up with frosting on your face and cupcake crumbs on your shirt, but you don't care.

THE "I HATE CUPCAKES AND YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME EATING ONE EVER" TYPE - You march to the beat of your own drum. That is, until they take your drum away and then you are not sure what to do. Part of you wants to cave because somewhere in the back of your mind you realize that you may be missing on something fun and good. The other part of you is fighting the urge to succumb because then you would have become victim to what you perceived was a passing fad. It's okay, give in to something different and new. How do you know that you hate something if you haven't tried it?

So, how do you eat a cupcake?

Before I tell you how I do, let me just say that the above is not based on any scientific study, but merely a collection of my random thoughts. It is not intended to hurt or offend anyone. But if the shoe fits.....That being said, I used to be the
"I hate cupcakes and you'll never see me eating one ever" type. I am very glad to say that I stepped outside my comfort zone and am now the "eat it sideways" type.


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

RIP Ginger Girl

Ginger, I just heard from your Mom that you had to be put down. I am so sorry that you were so ill, lovely girl. Your Mom's heart was so broken and there was nothing I could do. But don't let sadness take anything away from the wonderful life that you lived. I am sad only because I didn't get to say goodbye to you. I am sad because I know I will miss you so much. But you're in a better place now, where you aren't suffering anymore.

I don't know if you ever knew what you meant to me. I wasn't your "Mommy" but you touched my heart in a way that surprised even a dog-lover like me. You were one of the prettiest Golden Retrievers I ever knew, with a heart to go with your physical beauty.

I still remember the first day my dog JackJack and I met you at the dog park. I had adopted JackJack only a week ago and the two of us were still working on getting to know each other. The moment JackJack and I met you, we knew you were a really special dog. You were so generous. You allowed JackJack to fetch your ball. You're the only dog I knew who did that.

How could I ever forget how special you made me feel? Whenever you saw me at the park, you would stop playing "fetch" to come running up to greet me. Granted, sometimes you had just got out from swimming in the lake and you saw me as a handy "towel" to wipe yourself dry, but most of the time you really wanted to say hello. I love how you spoke to me, with your happy whimper. I will always remember what a positive attitude you had toward everyone and everything. I don't know if you even knew what it was to dislike. You embraced life and enjoyed every minute of it. You played, you ran, you swam, you greeted, you made everybody around you feel good. As time went by I noticed that you were growing older, from the white hair that was appearing on your pretty face. But that make you any less of the dog you were. You still went a mile a minute.

Your legacy will always be how happy you made all of us who were fortunate enough to know you. You were true love personified. All your doggie friends - Sabrina, Kola, Makana, Mia, JackJack, just to name a few - their world will be emptier place without you.

This blog is dedicated to you. Rest in Peace, wonderful dog.