An Evening With Jerry

October 1st, 2011.  The day I had been waiting for since August, when my friend Crystal and I bought our tickets to see Jerry Seinfeld at the Paramount Theater in Seattle.  As you know, I love watching stand-up comedy.  This was a dream come true for me, as I was going to watch one of the best of the best.  When all was said and done, the tickets set me back close to $100.  I was pretty sure the show would be worth the price.  And now that the day was here, I could hardly stand the excitement!  

We found our seats at The Paramount.  We realized we were in the second row, in the orchestra pit.  Wow!   The only disadvantage was that we were not in theater seats, but rather in chairs that were put out there for us.  That wasn't a problem though, because the chairs were quite comfortable.The opening act was Mario Joyner, whom I had watched on occasion.  The first time I saw him was back in the day when MTV used to show The 1/2 Hour Comedy Hour.  Mario was recently in the movie, "Just Go With It".  He will be turning 50 tomorrow, a fact that he mentioned during his routine, which, by the way, was excellent!  One of the bits that got many laughs was about how much he loved his Magellan GPS because when he missed an exit, it recalculated his route.  The Magellan did not bitch about it for the next 50 miles, nor did it ever bring up in conversation that he missed an exit.  After Mario was done, it was time.

The stage lights went off but I could see a faint silhouette of somebody running on stage and setting up a tall stool with a glass and bottle of water.  As soon as this person exited the stage, the lights came on.  Jerry Seinfeld ran on stage, pretty much in the same fashion as the guy who set up the stool.  Nobody announced him or anything!  It almost took the audience by surprise, as there was a slight pause before the applause began.   The first thing that struck me when Jerry came on stage was the fact that I was so close I could almost see up his nose!  The second thing was that he appeared much taller on television than he did in real life.  He was dressed in a slate gray suit with a gray tie.  Thankfully, unlike his character on television, he decided to ditch his signature sneakers for real shoes.  Not too shabby for a 57 year old.  Later in the show, at one point he lay down on the stage floor.  All I could think at the time is, "That suit!  I hope they vacuumed the floor nice and good."  No, my thoughts are not always grammatically correct, I know that.  

"Hello Seattle," began Jerry.  He didn't get the expected reaction from the crowd, where everyone normally cheers when they hear the name of their city.  He went on to describe how we already knew we had "arrived", so didn't feel the need to applaud about it.  He talked about the weather, how there was a slice of sun that shone through the clouds, just enough to make us aware of what we were missing.  In the two hours or so of his routine, there was only one piece of material I had heard on his television show, the one about the restaurant bill coming in a little book.  Other than that, it was all new material.  And simply hilarious, I might add.

My ticket

If I may digress just a little, I wasn't a huge fan of Jerry on the television show.  I think the three actors in their supporting roles were what kept the show alive and all of us laughing.  Jerry may have had a few shining moments, but acting was clearly not what he was good at.  His stand-up routines are a different story altogether.  He takes the mundane events of daily life, puts a comedic spin to it and delivers it in perfect timing.  He talked about the all too familiar coffee culture in Seattle, and questioned the need for so many places that served coffee.  He talked about how it has become such a social event, how people don't "drink" coffee, but rather they "have" coffee.   He went on about how coffee in a cup is very different from coffee inside your system, where it turns into a mean boss that insists that your small intestines be voided.  That's the other thing.  In his entire routine, he didn't feel the need to swear or use coarse double entendres very much in order to be funny.  If he did, he was so polite about it that it didn't sound half bad.  For example, he talked about the *69 feature on the phone for last call return.  Of all the numbers that the phone company could come up with, how did they decide on "69"?  His take was that the meeting at the phone company when they were deciding on the numbers was attended by a bunch of people, none of whom went to Junior High.  

And so it continued for the next two hours.  The laughter kept coming with observations on how our life goal has become to attain what birds aim for - Tweeting.  He talked about our e-mail culture.   He talked about his 12 year marriage and compared it to the game show Jeopardy, where his wife remembered every little detail of every conversation they've ever had, and he couldn't remember anything.  All of it was so funny and all of it rang so true.  When he was finally done, it seemed the natural thing to give him a standing ovation as he left the stage.  

Jerry then came back and acknowledged the standing ovation he got, saying that it wasn't something he saw very often.  Apparently he looked at Crystal and me while he said this, but unfortunately I was looking for my purse which I had dropped under my chair and so I missed it.  He gave us a few more minutes of laughter, with audience interaction this time.  We could ask him any question we wanted to.  Someone asked him if he brought the Marble Rye.  He had us know that Frances Bay, the actor who played the old lady from whom he tried to steal the marble rye, had recently passed away.   Then an 8 year old boy from the audience asked him for an autograph.  Jerry called him on stage and, as he signed the boy's ticket, asked him if his parents let him watch the show.  The boy replied that he watched it all the time and loved it.  Jerry asked him, "Have you seen the one called The Contest"?  He then went on to add, "One day it will be your favorite episode."  He then called his opening act Mario Joyner back on stage as they took one last bow.  

As incredible as the show was, what really left me feeling good was how humble Jerry Seinfeld seemed to be.  He more than deserved the ovation he got, but he took the time to acknowledge it.  Although it clearly said on our tickets that no cameras and no recordings were allowed, there was an idiot in the front row very blatantly violating this.  I saw Jerry notice this more than once, but he didn't say anything.  I wish he did, and embarrassed the daylights out of the inconsiderate audience member.  I was also very touched by how Jerry took the time and made an 8 year old's day.  Even though the ticket cost quite a pretty penny, it was so worth it.  

It was definitely an evening to remember!