Conundrums and Commitments

The past week has seen me in a funk.  I am not quite sure I know why.  It has been a series of ups and downs.  Not necessarily a roller coaster, but picture riding up and down the cross streets of downtown Seattle.  Steep slopes both uphill and downhill.  Driving the up-slopes in Seattle always has me nervous.  Every time I have each of my feet on the brake and the accelerator.  I pray while I drive, making sure I time things well enough not to roll backward into the car behind me.  Then it's "Thank you God" while I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I don't have to worry.  Until the next time I drive into downtown Seattle. 

Thursday of the previous week onward had my apartment turned into Cupcake Alley.  I baked Red Velvet Cupcakes for a fund raiser at work last Friday.  I made Tuxedo Cupcakes for May Birthday Celebrations for work on Monday.  Thursday saw a reprise of the Red Velvet Cupcake for a Baby Shower at work.  All this baking, coupled with a crazy weekend had me off by a few beats.  I woke up Monday morning feeling really tired, and had the challenge of frosting 48 cupcakes into Tuxedos.  I had never done this before.  So it took a lot longer than it usually does.  That made me late for work.  I managed to drag my feet through the day, but I continued to feel like I was a day behind in everything.  On Thursday evening I took a nap when I came home.  It was only then that I felt like I caught up with the week, except that it was Friday.  I should have taken that nap on Tuesday instead :-) 

This funk that I was in got me thinking.  I keep talking about going into business for myself, but am I ready for it?  I keep hearing how good my baking and confectionery is, but what about everything else?  Will I be able to handle it all?  Will I fail?  Even worse to think this, but do I fear my own success?  What if it changes who I am and I become someone I don't like or don't even recognize?  I guess this is what they mean when they say "You have nothing to fear but fear itself".  Thankfully, the practical side of me took over once I had taken that nap on Thursday.  I realized that I was handling a full-time job along with all the baking, which I have done before.  When I'm in business for myself, I can pace things to my convenience.  I don't have to take on more than I can handle.  All my decisions will be based upon my ability to put forth the best of myself.  Nothing less than that will be acceptable either to myself or my customers. 

There were quite a few moments of elation during the week though, most of which had to do with the business.  The compliments that the Tuxedo Cupcakes received, even though I think I could more than improve on how they looked.  The fact that this guy on our team at work referred to my Red Velvet Cupcakes as "crack".  This same person placed an order for a cake to feed 45 people.  Within 24 hours of that order, I received four more, 2 from people I don't even know.  I must be doing something right, I suppose, for people actually wanting me to bake cakes for important occasions in their lives. 

By the end of the week I realized that a little self-doubt may actually be healthy because it is the kind of motivator I need to prove to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.  As long as I don't allow these moments of "Do I really think I can do it?" be the thoughts that become my excuse for not doing whatever it is that I am trying to accomplish, I am fine.  I think too that putting it down in writing for people to see is a way to commit to my goals in the long term.  There is an element of accountability in doing so.  As I continue on my journey of making my commitment a reality, I also commit to using this blog to provide everyone with an update on where I am in my accomplishments.

Please send your good thoughts my way, because they are a part of what drives me.

Thank you and peace out.